By: Scott Biddulph
Morbid curiosity has led me down some obscure roads in my life. Curiosity killed the cat, but it wasn’t fair. The cat just had a few questions, that’s all. Damn. I`ve always wondered who came up with that ridiculous saying, anyway. I`ve had my own experiences with death, human suffering, evil, and violence…but I seem to be drawn in by the increasing regularity of shocking brutality we see in today’s world. Not to mention the sheer rudeness of people in general. My grandmother used to say to me, “Men`s love will wax cold in the end times son.” Man…did it ever! I detest violence, but it seems to be a characteristic of the human condition that we cannot escape. Our propensity towards cruelty or selfishness is indeed a nasty little lizard on our shoulders, just like the story by C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce. I’m curious as to why. Why do we act this way? Why do we do these things to one another?
I love to watch true crime shows like The First 48, or Cold Case Files. I love to watch documentaries about the dictators of the 20th century like Mao, Stalin, and Hitler. And then there’s the beheading videos from radical Islamists. I`ve watched a couple. Not because I have the same bloodlust they seem to have, but because I wanted to know what it looked like. I couldn’t imagine it. Now I know why…because you have to be one sick bastard to be able to imagine such barbarism. I cried. Sitting at my desk, watching the eyes of the victim go from horror to emptiness made me cry like a baby. Seeing the “lights go out” of a human being is ghastly. I`ve never seen something so brutal, so inhumane, so callous.
I had to talk to my pastor about it. I felt sick. My pastor asked me why I watched the videos. He knew I had suffered from an incident in my own life that had left me with PTSD. I said that I wanted to know why. He told me I should never watch these types of videos ever again. I listened to his advice. I realized I didn’t need to see the actual violence to find the answer to my questions. At times I felt a bit weird about my need to investigate these crimes of humanity. I felt like I held some dark secret. I was walking in the darkness of civilization. I was swimming through oceans of time and washing up on the same blood stained beaches. I found no innocence among mankind. Viciousness was the best synonym for man.
But then, I wanted to know the underlying motivation of people: power, greed, and wealth, sex, and hate—yes to all! These are the reasons that human beings can be so damn cruel to one another. The more I looked, the more I found that, like the great King Solomon said, “There`s nothing new under the sun,” I began to see that human history was nothing more than a great big mess. It was filled with violence, greed, class warfare, murder, theft, abuse, slavery, and every other form of evil and violence I could imagine. No culture, race, nation state, or creed was innocent of the crimes of humanity. Every culture or race had at one time or another been guilty.
I watched historical documentaries as I studied, and I would see people talking about Rome, Britain, France, Spain, and America (among others) as if these were the great white sharks of history. They seem to ignore the violence and slavery that was measured out by other cultures and races like the Mayans, The Jews, the Arabs, the Chinese, the Japanese, the Indian nations of North America, and so on. I realized that the answer was real simple: evil, selfishness, and violence is a problem of the human heart.
“The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is? (Jeremiah 17:9, NLT).
So, it was here that I was led on my journey. It was in this simple verse of the Holy Bible that I found the answer to my question of “why?” Now…how do we fix it?