Hump Day Humor: Ancient Alien Ancestors?

 Editor’s Note: 

It’s Hump Day! This week we debut our first “Hump Day Humor” post. For those of you that may not be familiar with this new challenge, here is the post from our wonderful and talented assistant editor, Marilyn Davis: Two Drops of Ink Writing Challenge: Hump Day Humor

By Agent 54/Timothy Hecht

Agent 54 here again.  I’ve been watching the Ancient Alien TV documentary series on the History channel.   Ancient Alien Theory began with the book Chariots of the Gods? by Erich Von Daniken.   Giorgio Tsoukalos is a proponent of this theory and can be seen in every episode of the show.  Tonight I jumped out of bed at 2:00 am because I now know why I’m fascinated by these shows.  I have realized the shocking truth. Agent 54’s Ancestors were Ancient Aliens.

I don’t understand why it took so long for me to come to this conclusion.  The evidence of my extraterrestrial lineage is and has always been all around me.  Mainstream science has been slow to acknowledge the existence of Aliens but, what do they know?  When I was a kid they said there were 9 planets in our solar system and now they say there is only 8.  Let’s keep an open mind.  Let’s examine the evidence.

Erich Von Daniken and Giorgio Tsoukalos theorize that long ago, the Ancient Aliens came to earth in space ships and modified human DNA in and experiment intended to improve our species.  This explains why Agent 54 is smarter, better looking and funnier than the early humans.

In the latest episode of Ancient Aliens, they explain that aliens are still abducting the genetically modified humans to monitor their experiment.  They tell us that only 1% of the human population has green eyes, but 50% of the reports of Alien Abductions come from people with green eyesAgent 54 has green eyes.

Erich and Giorgio go on to explain that most abductees have no memory of being abducted but, under hypnosis can recall their terrifying alien encounters.   Agent 54 has no memory of being abducted. 

While Agent 54 hasn’t been hypnotized into giving up his Alien Abduction stories, I do write about the subject in my Agent 54 blog posts titled:  Burgundy Campaign Spaces Out, Burgundy Campaign Spaces Out part II and Bungalow Bill’s Outer Space Adventure.   Coincidence?  Agent 54 doesn’t think so.

You have to ask yourself, why does Agent 54 have a “AAA” membership that he’s never used?  Could it subconsciously have something to do with Ancient Alien Astronauts?  Agent 54 is convinced it absolutely does.

I realized that the Ancient Aliens have been communicating with me in their own special, discreet way.  My wife has observed the trance-like state that I often enter when watching the Ancient Alien episodes on the History channel from my reclining chair.  She says this trance-like state is often accompanied by strange sounds coming from my body that kinda go “zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz zzz”.  Later, after I regain full consciousness (with coffee of course),  Agent 54 is able to write fantastic tales that bring joy and laughter to the world.

I have often wondered why I’m fascinated with using my metal detector.  Am I searching for treasure or looking for Ancient Alien Artifacts to prove my heritage?  Agent 54 believes he’s on a journey to discover his extraterrestrial “roots”.

Mainstream scientists are still publically denying the very existence of extraterrestrial life but, Ancient Alien theorists point to mountains of evidence and artifacts that science cannot explain.  I have examined the evidence, and Agent 54 believes we were visited in the distant past by Ancient Alien Astronauts.

What if it were true?

Author’s Bio:


Agent 54/Timothy Hecht 

Agent 54: Is a regular guy. He has a sense of humor and an active imagination. He works for the Nominal Secrets Apparatus (NSA) under the DORD (Department of Redundancy Department) as a Listener/Reader. His job is to read, view or listen to data collected by the NSA and determine if there is a risk to national security. He reports to his bosses, H. Cuffs and Max (Agent 86). He doesn’t take his job too seriously because he knows he’s spying on regular people most of the time.

His blog:

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  1. I thought this was a very amusing story and I have included a reference to it in my monthly roundup of the web explored.

  2. Hi Timothy, I have to admit, I’ve never been the least bit interested in so-called ailens and think that the history channel’s “history” documentaries actually would be better aired on the Sci-Fi Channel.
    However, I congratulate you Agent 54 on a very cleverly written piece. This green-eyed gal enjoyed its humor, which also includes your bio which creatively lists your places of employment as NSA and DORD which I assume might be heretofore unrecognized departments of our government?!

  3. Oh man, I think I’m going to like this guy. Thank you Agent 54/Timothy Hecht ! Oh yeah, I have a question for you. I’m curious, would Whitley Strieber happened to be a family member of yours? 🙂 John.

  4. One of the things that cracked me up about this submission was that when I first read it, I thought Agent 54 was serious about aliens. I thought, “Here we go again, another kook.” Believe me, we get some strange emails from some rather disturbed individuals. I’ve learned that no blog is successful without a few kooks and stalkers (laughing). I then followed Agent 54’s link and read his blog. It all made sense, LOL. I think there is a hive of aliens in Dawsonville, Georgia (Wink).

  5. Hi, Agent 54, or may I call you Timothy? I appreciate you taking the challenge and providing us with a few grins and giggles this Wednesday. I guess just listening in on conversations gives you more insight into the ancient alien conundrum.

    Were we visited? Didn’t they like the planet so they left? Did their ships need off-loading and so we got the artifacts? I certainly hope you keep us up to date, and if not, I suppose I can watch the History channel.

    What about your pupils? Elongated or regular? Long for Alpha Draconis? Just trying to discern which ancients you’re related to.

    Again, thanks for submitting and fun read.

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