Hump Day Humor: ‘You know your blog is a success when you have a stalker’

A day like any other day in 2008

I remember the days when I would post a small poem or a short essay, and I would do the virtual pace back and forth. You know, the one where you go back and forth every few minutes to your computer to see if you have a hit, a comment, a like—anything that says someone gives a damn about your writing.
I did this for months. I called myself a writer whether anyone else thought I was a writer or not. I believed the old adage – fake it till you make it. My poor wife, she’s a humble soul. We would be somewhere in public, and someone would say, “what do you do?” I wouldn’t even look at her, I could feel her pain, see her body language, and I knew she wished that she had the power to wave her hand and glue my mouth shut. And out it would come, “I’m a writer” I’d say. What did she know? I thought to myself. She just didn’t believe in me (wink). 

The truth was that she knew I never edited anything. I always thought that the first draft of everything I wrote was brilliant. I’m not kidding y’all; I’m being transparent here. Don’t believe me, go back into our archives and read some of my old writing (laughing). I ain’t skeered.


I remember when Lydia, our social media coordinator, was going through some old blogs from back in the day and sharing them. I was editing my ass off trying to keep up with her. Finally, I realized that it was better to leave the bad content and let people know we were real, we once struggled too, and let them see the progression of the content on the site. It became a lesson for folks. I got emails about it.

I done me some readin’

I was always a reader when I was younger, but as I got older, I thought, “Hell…just watch the movie.” My wife, who can engulf a 400-page novel in a day, —seriously— would read every night while I watched my 1000th episode of Seinfeld. I’m still a Seinfeld freak, BTW. I felt like she bugged me about reading. I look back now, and I was like Napoleon Dynomite, “I’m watchin’ a movie and eating tots…Gosh!”


I remember sometime in 2010, I read a book (God only knows what caused me to do that) called “Write Good or Die.” It’s a free PDF book, and it had memoirs and short essays from well-known, published authors who shared about the various aspects of writing. Practically every one of them said that you had to read to be a good writer. So, I did, and it began to make a difference. That and the $80,000 frigging dollars I was spending on college.

Skippin’ to the point.

Many of you that are loyal followers of the site know that I’m not an “ivory tower” type of guy. I came from humble beginnings, and so did this blog. Look, I work in academia as a freelance writer and editor. I’ve dealt with some hardcore editors and stuck-up authors. I know the stiff-necked, ivory tower, don’t-talk-to-me-unless-I-talk-to-you types. That said, that’s not us. You won’t find that here. We worked our tails off, and since 2012 we have become a buzz in the blogosphere. So, let me ask you, our audience, to take a much-deserved bow – without you, we’re nothing.
I’ve had the stuffy intellectuals try to give me guff. I’ve had the naysayers. I’ve had the moments when I never thought I would see my dreams come true as a writer. I also learned in that process that I love to edit, which is a different animal. Most writers hate it. Me, I love it, I’m a grammar nerd (don’t confuse me with a Nazi. I was once told the only real grammar Nazi was the guy who edited Hitler’s speeches, but I digress).
Last year we received our first big award. It put us back on the map after our migration from Blogger debacle (a long story of bad blog migration mistakes). We were counted among the top 100 sites for writers. This year we have won three awards: top 100 writers blogs, top 100 literary blogs, and top 50 writers blogs, respectively.

That said, the big announcement is this: you know you’ve become a success when you finally have a stalker. Yes, that’s right folks. It’s not the writing of good content. It’s not the awards, although they are nice. Nope, it’s when you have a psychopath that emails you constantly, likes everything you do on every social site (even after you block them, which is scary), copies and pastes your gravatar on their site to make it look like you follow them, drops your name on every other blog’s thread, and, finally, sends you a Teddy-gram or roses.

Yes, we at Two Drops of Ink have arrived – we have a stalker. How do you get one? Believe me, when we figure it all out, we’ll post it. I know it will garner some hits. Maybe we could do the whole “guru” thing that some people do after they have their first month with 5000 hits (laughing). You know the type, they were virtually unknown a year or so ago. They build a blog that gets a decent following, and next thing you know, they have a book out—“How to create a YUG blog and make a living as a writer.”
Nah…we’ll just be ourselves and keep our stalker.

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  1. I am envious! Like a Hollywood celebrity installing high tech security and surveillance equipment, you get to update your anti-virus programs and bolster your firewalls! Well done. Great post!

  2. Hilarious!! I’m so glad you decided to “do yourself some reading” and become the writer and editor that you are! I never much cared for stuffed shirts, and apparently neither do many others judging by the following and awards received here. But if that isn’t enough to convince our loyal followers, than surely the prestigious status of “stalker worthy” will be! Only a select few ever obtain those heights of success. Somehow I can’t get the visual out of my brain of Kramer as a viable candidate for stalker! Although, I do hope he never goes so far as to send you a Teddygram or roses!

    • Ah-ha! A Seinfeld fan! My wife hates Seinfeld, but loves British humor (As do I), go figure? How can you love British humor – Monty Python and the boys, and hate Seinfeld? It’s more of a mystery than who our stalker is. Thanks, Terry (laughing).

  3. Regarding readin’ and the TV: I love Seinfeld, too. I am a fan of any well written TV comedy whose laughs come from the words, thoughtfully delivered by actors who understand that sometimes less is more, and performed in front of real live people who really laugh; rather than being shown where I am supposed to laugh via a recording of an audience who may have passed in the late fifties. This leads me to the late Bill Idelson, a friend, mentor, and pioneering TV comedy writer (The Dick Van Dyke Show, Get Smart, and others) who also taught comedy writing. He wrote a book called “Writing for Dough.” His mission in teaching was to give his students the tools necessary to be successful, assuming a basic talent was present. The lack of that talent was painfully obvious fairly early in his class. His measure of writing success was (this may get a few thumbs down) whether or not someone was willing to actually buy your words. Bottom line, that’s what made one a “writer.” A lot of his students are successful and active today. He also urged his students to watch TV and learn from the successful writers, akin to suggesting reading for those of us whose words are consumed that way. One thing Bill told me that still rings in me today, “you have to know the rules and practice them, before you can successfully break them.” All these years and I am still learning. You guys are contributing to the learning, I’m glad I found you.

    • What a joy to read your comments C.L., welcome to our writing community. Your comments are learned, insightful, instructive, and complimentary. Thank you for visiting, I hope you’ll come again. And, thank you for taking the time to comment.

  4. Hump Day Humor is #epic!!! I love how we as a community can share a little humor to get us through this hectic thing called life. For those who don’t know… Yes, I am the stalker!!! (if you look carefully, you will see me hiding behind the ink splatter in “Two Drops of Ink”). LOL!!!

  5. Now I can’t help notice italicized words and titles undelined!

    Scott, appreciate the honesty of Two drops of ink humble history. We all start some place
    There is a little stealthiness in all of us. 🙂

  6. Just a note: This is pure satire folks. I got an email from a concerned follower, everyone is okay. We’re just trying to get a giggle or two out of our precious followers on Wednesdays. 🙂

  7. I am a writer too. Yes, I am a writer. I write stuff. I have a blog. I’ve posted 145 posts on my blog so, I am a writer. True, I’ve never been paid but, I am still a writer. I’ve had over 286,000 hits on my blog. I am a writer. Okay, nobody else knows about all the hits but, that doesn’t mean I’m not a writer, does it? I am a writer because I write stuff. You know I’m a writer. Am I a writer?

    • Well Agent 54, I suppose you are a writer. That is, unless you’re also a lizard person, which I’m not quite sure of at this point. However, I guess you could be both.

  8. I am a reader, like your wife. On my vacations, I don’t take a book to read…I take a whole series. I love to read! I don’t get to do it as often as I would like. A few minutes each night before bed isn’t enough…while my husband is watching Sinefeld. haha…I think we have much in common! As far as the stalker goes…no comment. 😉

  9. Hi, Scott. What’s interesting is that we both sat at The Perk wondering how in the world will we get comments, and dare I say the words – loyal followers. Now, I’m not so sure either of us fully understood the concept of a loyal follower taken to the extreme. Ours changes avatars, goes from likes to loves to seemingly obsessed in a heartbeat, and then hangs around, lurking in the shadowy world of the anonymous internet. Thank goodness, the majority of our readers are courteous, sane, and straightforward. What you see is what you get – unlike our stalker.

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