Hump Day Humor: ‘Easter nEggotiation’

In this week’s rendition of Hump Day Humor, we have been contacted once again by Agent 54. He has news about the upcoming Easter holiday. Here we go…


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By Agent 54

Agent 54 here again.  I was eggxcited to get this colorful phone call between the foremost distributor of Easter Eggs and the head of the Egg Manufacturing Union.  Seems that one side wants a new deal.  Will these guys be able to resolve their differences before Easter Sunday?  Let’s hope so for the children’s sake.  Here’s my report.

A Bunny Secretary speaks into her boss’s intercom:  EB, I have Chicky Hoffa from the EMU online one.

Easter Bunny (EB): (sarcastically) Great, just what I need.  Okay, I got it.

EB clicking line one:  Hey Chicky, how are ya?  What can I do for ya?

Chicky Hoffa, head of the EMU:  Hi EB.  You know we’re busy as heck trying to build up your inventory for this year’s Easter season.

EB:  Yes, and we appreciate all your hard work.  We’re working around the clock here to get ready too.

Chicky:  Yeah well frankly, we at the EMU think you could appreciate us a little more and I don’t mean chicken scratch either.

EB:  Now wait a minute here Chicky, we just made a new deal in 2015, We still got 4 years on our contract.  I’m afraid I can’t hop up to the plate to make a new deal, now.

Chicky: (in an elevated tone) Hey fur-ball, you know that ever since the stupid HOP movie came out, demand for our eggs has doubled.  My hens are working overtime and we need a bigger slice of the pie if you want us to keep up with demand.  We want more of the recognition for Easter too.  After all, we make the darn things.

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EB:  No need for insults, Chicky.  I’m sure you realize that if it weren’t for me you would have almost no demand, I’m the face of your product and let’s not forget my expenses.  I have designers, artists, distribution, and administrative staff to pay.

Chicky:  I don’t give a fart about that, and I still can’t figure out how you made humans believe that a bunny would deliver decorated chicken eggs.  You know, I got an idea.  I just might create an Easter Chicken and knock your cotton tail right out of this whole industry.  How’s that sound?

EB:  Is that a threat?  Cause you may not know this but I’ve been talking to Donald Duck and he says that between his ducks and a bunch of quails he’s organized, I can get more than enough eggs to fill my orders.

Chicky:  Is that what we’re doin here?  Usin words?  Words like ducks and quails?  Is that what we’re doin?

EB:  Let’s calm down here.  We’ve been in business together too long to throw it all away now.  Truth is we got a good thing going here and we should be able to figure out how to keep it going.

Chicky:  Yeah, well I just wanted to remind you that the Lucky Rabbit’s foot industry is starting to take off again.  Say, how well do you hop on 3 legs?

EB:  Alright, this is getting ugly now.  Look let’s talk turkey at our next board meeting.  I’ll buy you a drink and we can sit down and discuss things like civilized, professional, business animals.

Chicky:  Yeah, Okay, I’ll be there but remember, I ain’t exactly 100% domesticated either.  I’m warning you, don’t tweak my beak.

EB:  Yes, of course not.  You know, I’ve always had the utmost respect for you and your Union.  I’ll see ya at the meeting.

Holy Cow!  I can’t wait to listen in on that board meeting.

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Photo credit: www.thecultureconcept.com


Author’s Bio:

54

Agent 54/Timothy Hecht 

Agent 54: Is a regular guy. He has a sense of humor and an active imagination. He works for the Nominal Secrets Apparatus (NSA) under the DORD (Department of Redundancy Department) as a Listener/Reader. His job is to read, view or listen to data collected by the NSA and determine if there is a risk to national security. He reports to his bosses, H. Cuffs and Max (Agent 86). He doesn’t take his job too seriously because he knows he’s spying on regular people most of the time.

His blog: http://agent54nsa.blogspot.com/

Published posts on Two Drops of Ink:

1) Hump Day Humor: Ancient Alien Ancestors?


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S.W. Biddulph

Scott Biddulph is a published writer, author, and poet from North Georgia. He began writing as a youngster and followed his lifelong dream of reaching people through the written word when he returned to The University of North Georgia in 2013 to finish earning his BA/English with a concentration on publication and creative writing. His publications include the following: an eBook, Apples of Gold: A collection of inspirational short stories and poems (Smashwords, 2010) and a paperback, Voices from the Heart, (Createspace, 2012). His poetry is published in Papers and Publications Undergraduate Research Journal. Vol 3 (2014) and the award-winning Chestatee Review (Spring, 2015), among other places (Check his LinkedIn profile for a full list of his publications). He is currently working on publishing poetry, creative non-fiction, academic essays, and his memoir. Scott has also worked as an intern editor for the University of North Georgia Press. As a freelance editor, he has done the layout and design of several books and magazines. He is currently working with several authors on various publication projects in which he is either ghostwriting, editing manuscripts, or doing the layout and design. Scott continues working on his memoir Twisted Ride. He also maintains a Christian blog: A Disciple's Journey. Finally, and most importantly, he is a father, grandfather, husband, and dedicated Harley Davidson rider (with a huge beard). He and his family enjoy the beauty of the North Georgia Mountains where they live—especially their screened in back porch where they love to bird watch. - "I love realism. I love writing about the raw, down-to-Earth, heartfelt realities of life. I love to write in a way that reaches into the human soul. I love to take the greatest pains and struggles in life, and make them a blessing to others. Fantasy is a wonderful, interesting thing—but real life situations, feelings, fears, and dreams are an unexplored ocean of stories that need to be told." ~Scott Biddulph~

6 comments

  1. Hi, Tim. I don’t hop well on two legs. Fun post, and that’s all we can ask for on Wednesdays. Now, I’m ready to face the world. I wouldn’t mind being a fly on the wall at their next board meeting, either.

    Liked by 3 people

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