By: Christopher G. Fox, PhD
Usually, I embrace the blank page. But this month, I’m late. I thought I would write my June monthly column last week, and then the weekend, and then yesterday, but until now, nothing. Each day, I wrote “blog post” on my daily to-do list, each morning rewriting it, rewriting it, starring and circling it, and still, nothing.
I see it for what it is: I’m struggling more with motivation than writer’s block. I trust that the words will come when I motivate myself to make it happen. Or not when… if. That’s how I’ve felt the past few days. I needed a way to get unstuck.
Fellow writers, I know you’ve been there, too…
Disappointed in Myself
Over time, the disappointment became louder than anything else I might have felt about the piece, the elusive piece, whose theme I kept failing to catch when looking at my values and experiences. Even though I moved it to my next day’s list, again and again, the prospect that I ever could, or would, get it done receded. The tide of motivation went out, exposing all the dead fish and debris of dread and failing to meet my own expectations. I even briefly questioned my resolve to keep up this project.
But, today feels different. As I looked at my day ahead, at my desk, sunrise coloring the sky behind me, I realized that I couldn’t write because I wasn’t kind to myself. I had fallen into the self-compassion trap.
I had stopped giving myself credit for all the hard work I do for my clients, for my dedication to my partner, for the time I spend caring for my two cats, for making myself available to friends.
Every time I thought about writing the now-dreaded post, I let the fact that I hadn’t yet written it become the focal point, eclipsing any thought or passion for the process of writing itself.
“If you don’t love yourself, you cannot love others. You will not be able to love others. If you have no compassion for yourself, then you are not capable of developing compassion for others.” — The Dalai Lama
By some sudden grace (yes, I believe in it, with or without the apparatus of faith behind it), forgiveness came. I forgave myself for not writing, I acknowledged the task for what it was, and I felt no obligation, but gratitude for all the relationships and all the beings that had received my time in the interim. I allowed kindness to return, not as an imperative, but as a gift, a gift whose benefits I, too, share. That was the answer to help me get unstuck. By letting self-kindness in, I saw the very topic I needed to write about was kindness to oneself.
“The art of being yourself at your best is the art of unfolding yourself into the person you want to be. Learn to love yourself, be gentle with yourself, to forgive yourself, for only as we have the right attitude toward ourselves can we have the right attitude toward others” — Wilferd Peterson
I hope my long preface sets the stage for the rest of this post, with 7 specific ways you can break through motivation blocks to help you get unstuck by being kind to yourself by using self-compassion tactics.
1. Take inventory.
When you have something undone hanging over your head, you can lose sight of all of the positive, constructive ways in which you spend your time. Make a list of ten valuable things you have done recently and recognize yourself for what it took to do them. Even the smallest things you do depends on your skills, your authentic self, and the ties you have in this world. You can easily take them for granted.
2. Take action.
While you may not be ready to pull out of the procrastination-guilt loop quite yet, you can help break up the logjam by doing kind things for others and by directing kind intentions to them. Offer to help a colleague, do something unexpected for your friends or family, or help a stranger. I don’t have a scientific explanation for why, but it does somehow clear your energy and open you to the task that’s haunting you.
3. Take a break.
You won’t get very far sitting and staring at a screen, or paper, or a workspace. If you stay stuck in a working context, you may find your level of anxiety increasing, to the extent that you lower the chances you will find a way to start or resume work. Instead, just walk away. Read something unrelated, or even take a literal walk to change your surroundings and allow serendipity to take over and motivate you.
4. Take a shower.
There’s a reason why the idea that your best ideas come to you in the shower has become a sort of cliche. A shower is a place to relax, take time to do something for yourself, and let yourself be both distracted and purposeful at the same time. In fact, numerous studies on brain chemistry and brain activity tie our mental state when showering to increased creativity and increased the likelihood of mental breakthroughs.
5. Take a picture.
You can overcome obstacles to motivation by making efforts to be creative in another medium. Even if you don’t believe that you need creativity to get your looming tasks done, the act of creativity can help you look at your motivation differently and find ways to overcome it. You can use the camera on your phone to capture an unexpected angle in your office, in your home, or somewhere in your daily perspective. Look closely at it and open yourself up to seeing the world, and your responsibilities, from a new angle.
6. Take solace.
You’re not the first person to get stuck, and you won’t be the last. This is not the first time you’ve gotten stuck, and it won’t be the last. You can reflect on times when you have gotten stuck, and unstuck, in the past. Tell yourself the story of how it happened and how you eventually broke through. Ask people you trust and respect to tell you a story about a time when it happened to them. You’ll find those stories can heal, and overcome.
7. Take care.
You may find that you start to beat yourself up over an uncompleted task. It’s entirely natural, and often gets worse, the more committed you are or, the more accountable you feel. You can, however, forgive yourself for not doing something that you needed or expected to do.
When I’m stuck, I try to remember this quote from Wayne Dyer, “My favorite affirmation when I feel stuck or out of sorts is: Whatever I need is already here, and it is all for my highest good. Jot this down and post it conspicuously throughout your home, on the dashboard of your car, at your office, on your microwave oven, and even in front of your toilets!”
Just remember that you are more than your responsibilities. If you let yourself off the hook for this, chances are, you’ll stop writhing and start writing, or doing, or working, whatever it is that’s blocking you.
Apply these 7 techniques or your own variants of them. You’ll make significant progress, clear the way, and find that they help you get unstuck.
Suggestions, Techniques, and Feedback from You
While these 7 techniques work for me, I’m always looking for more ways to cope with getting unstuck.
Let me know in comments:
- How do you demonstrate kindness towards yourself?
- What methods help you get your to-do to done?
- How do you stop berating yourself?
- What gets you unstuck in your writing?
Bio: Christopher G. Fox, PhD
Christopher G. Fox, Ph. D. is a writer and communications strategist living in Los Angeles. He works with executives and subject matter experts to help them build reputations through messages, conversations, stories, and thought leadership.
His website, Syncresis® is a consultancy focused on thought leadership, patient communication, and content strategy. Its unique virtual operating model means that teams are purpose-built to the needs of a specific client and project.
He is also the creator of Kindness Communication®, which promotes the idea that the worlds we move in can be better places if we make kindness the core of how we operate.
Two Drops of Ink: The Literary Home for Collaborative Writing
Writers are always looking for ways to improve, get unstuck, or get exposure.
At Two Drops of Ink, we’d welcome a guest blog on improving, getting unstuck as a writer, or a post that entertains, educates, or enchants us when we’re stuck.
We’d view that as kindness. Consider that guest post today. Write poetry? We’re looking for that as well.