By Shahnaz Radjy
Every morning, before I even open my eyes onto the world, I stretch. It’s a proper stretch, going from the tips of my claws to the top of my perfect ears. It’s nothing close to the lazy excuse for a stretch the slobbering brutes favor. To think they named a yoga pose after them—such a lack of elegance and common sense. Classic human.
At least my humans are well trained. For the most part, they know that after I emerge from my beauty sleep, it is time to nourish me. I call their attention to it anyway, with a few musical meows. They just love the sound, and we know it’s essential to keep them happy and let them think they are in charge.
On some days, after I break my fast, I curl up next to the warm deep-voiced human who is still asleep. I purr with abandon, knowing he can’t hear. I wouldn’t want him to get complacent because he thinks I am “too” happy. As if that was even possible.
For the rest of the day, I alternate between taking naps in the sun and hunting the way my ancestors hunted on the plains. My favorite prey is those slithering snakes – they think they are so fast, but even a kitten could catch them—no need to even break a sweat.
In winter, my favorite place to take a nap is near the roaring fire. The humans sometimes laugh when they find me in the wood pile. They fail to understand the perfection of the distance between the fire and me. It’s the pleasant feeling of cool, rough bark giving me a passive massage. Here at least I know no one will be incompetent enough to step on my tail. Even the brutes steer clear, just the way I like it.
On warmer days, I might go back to my humans when the sun is highest in the sky, to check if they are in the mood to give me more food. I would accept chicken or fish – I love fish. This is the best time to remind them who the boss is, too. I push their buttons, rubbing against their legs and getting tangled in their feet, sniffing at every morsel of food within my reach, and using my claws if they try to get between me and food.
At times, they forget their place. They get angry because they think the rules they made up bind me. It’s almost cute. Except that’s usually when they pick me up – how dare they! – and throw me outside.
One day, when I have my full powers back, I will smite them for doing that. It’s not like they can keep me out of my own home, anyway. I go back in through a side window or that hole on the front porch and sit on their favorite spot near the fireplace.
They always act surprised when they arrive and find me there. One thinks I am playing games with them just to show them who is the boss, but the other deems that absurd. Little does he know. It isn’t a game.
Sometimes they go away for the whole time the sun is in the sky. If I am waiting for them when they return, they assume it is because I missed them. Rookies. I am, of course, ready for food, and, assuming they have not irritated me, I will honor them by letting them rub my belly. It’s a reasonable way to wrap up my day. For them, it is, without a doubt, the cherry on the cake of their existence.
Before I close my eyes to sleep, I’ll remember the days when humans knew how to build pyramids.
Then maybe they will remember their real purpose: to worship us so wholly that we let them become our loyal subjects once again.
– Prince the Cat
Bio: Shahnaz Radjy
Shahnaz is an adventurer, foodie, bookworm, and horse-lover. She is a freelance writer based in Portugal as well as the co-founder of an eco-tourism project. Alumni of the World Economic Forum and the University of Pennsylvania. Shahnaz has lived in Geneva/Switzerland, Philadelphia/USA, La Paz/Bolivia, and New York/USA.
http://casabeatrix.pt/ shows the adventurous spirit of Shahnaz and her husband, François. First, they traveled the world working on farms to hone their skills, and since 2017 have been in Portugal. They bought an old farm in 2018, and are turning their biggest dream into an unforgettable farm / nature / disconnect-to-reconnect experience we’d love to share with you.
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